is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
