we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
