Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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