What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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