What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
