pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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