She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
