Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
