i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
