His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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