im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
