for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
