Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
