I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
