took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
