she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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