i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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