Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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