I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Less talking, more tequila
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize