my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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