Your mouth is God's brothel.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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