Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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