My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize