3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
