im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I deserve this hangover.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
