So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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