I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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