forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
