I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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