So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Bring me that man meat
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
