I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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