So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
