I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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