That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
