when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My bed smells like the plague
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
