Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize