Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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