New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
