im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
