If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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