I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
