How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
