you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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