I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
