my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
