How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
