I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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