what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
