So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
