very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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