Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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