forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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