to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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