Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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