ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
