East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
