I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize