The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
