Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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