I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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