I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
