we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
