im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
