it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
