I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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