whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
