Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
