dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
