That's when you crack a 10am beer
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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