We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
