So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
