Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
