last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
